I like to think everything happens for a reason.
It's not always the reason we want it to be, but it's always the reason it's supposed to be.
I met a guy a few months ago. I knew we had a connection. I just didn't know what that connection meant. Plus, I was at a weird place in my singleness. I like to call it the "So bored with life even rejection is more entertaining" phase. In any case, I knew that this "boy meets girl" story was destined to be short-lived.
A couple of weeks into it, a good friend of mine suggested that I tell this guy exactly what I wanted from him. I told her that I didn't know what I wanted from him. And that was the truth. I knew more or less what I wanted out of a relationship. But I honestly was not looking for a relationship, especially not from him. But that can't be right, can it? I mean, what else could possibly result from the boy meets girl story?
Boy + Girl = Relationship. Duh! It's elementary, my dear Watson!
We live in a "means to an end" society that depends on equations like this to keep the system in place. It's so embedded in our minds that even I was starting to think I wanted a relationship out of it. When I didn't even want a relationship PERIOD.
I think that sometimes we're so busy trying to make things happen in our lives that we miss out on the things already happening.
The truth is, this guy and I have a lot in common. We have the potential to help each other grow as friends, as fellow human beings trying to figure out this life. To place him in the role of boy and me in the role of girl without consideration of who we are, where we are in our lives, etc. would be to completely impersonalize our experience. This is of course advantageous to the system we live in. As it depends on us to fill the equation, get married, buy a home, get a mortgage out, have children, focus on paving the way for them to live the American Dream, get stuck in the struggles of capitalism and do our part in keeping the game going.
Think about all of the things, people, experiences we miss out on because they don't fit the equations, because they are not the means to the end we think we want or need. Wants and needs that probably aren't ours to begin with. Wants and needs imposed by society to keep the game going.
Separate situation, yet somewhat related...
I was sitting in the car with my brother. He was criticizing me for only working part-time, as if working full-time and being miserable is the only thing that gives my life value. He kept saying that he just doesn't want me to lose sight of the future and get stuck in complacency or go insane with so much time on my hands (interestingly enough, this is a serious concern of many of my loved ones; i'll have to address it in another blog). This is how our conversation went after that:
"Omar, I feel like I've spent my entire life dwelling over the past or fantasizing about the future that I've never lived in the here and now." I said.
"That's because right now doesn't matter." He said.
"Right now is the only time that matters. It is the only time that exists." I said.
The present is the only time that exists. The past is simply the way our brain chronicles present moments that have already passed. The future is simply present moments we have yet to process and experience. So when someone says, "Now is the time to do something." Now is literally the only time we can do anything. That's not to say that it is not important to remember and learn from the past or to plan for the future, but only as it relates to the right now. How does what I'm doing right now relate to what I've done or learned from in the past? How does what I'm doing now relate to getting me where I want to be in the future?
I like to think about that every time I tell myself something doesn't matter because it does not play into the future I have mentally created for myself or because it doesn't fit the equations society has drilled into my unconscious. ...
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4 comments:
I think you'd be singing a different tune if the circumstances had been different, but maybe I'm wrong and don't know you at all.
Hey Jasmine, Jordan again.
I actually don't agree with you. I think "the present", for the most part, is non-existent. I think "time", as we think of it, is a figment of our imagination. Our brain fabricates things, memory is faulty and represents what we interpret at the time due to our current circumstances. I have memories of my childhood, for example, that aren't factual. My mother tells me that they were different. The past is a tricky thing, and the reason for this is because of our own self. We are time. We invented it.
The future, in my opinion, is very important. Why? Because it's ours to take, to change, to prevent, to be. When one doesn't pay their bills, they know what's coming. Cause and effect is a reality, and I think that society is in major denial of that these days.
I'm a big fan of the phrase "there's no time like the present". I'd say that this phrase exists to describe how important the future is in relation to the past. When I say "there's no time like the present", I'm usually saying it when an opportunity arises. A job interview, a scary roller coaster, a first kiss. I say that to myself because if I don't do it, I will not grow. I will not be a better person for trying something new. I will not have the memory of doing it, and I will not be prepared for the future occurrence of similar experiences.
I do agree with you that the present is important, if what you're talking about is action. Action is a present-tense concept. It's instinct, it's emotion, it's getting the things done that you know need to be done. Why would one act? Because their survival demands it. Their future.
Jordan, I know what you're saying. I think the concept of time is an extremely complicated topic and I definitely oversimplified it in my blog.
By the "present" in the context of this blog I do mean action, (now is the only time we can act), but also literally being mentally present. Being where we are when we're there even if it is a figment of our own creation. I think there is a lot of connection and experiencing that goes unconnected and unexperienced because we are too busy floating through life to "our futures."
I agree that the future is very important, but not necessarily to the point where it allows us to completely ignore the "present." As every present moment is destined to be filed away in our minds a past moment and/or be the cause that effects our future...
Side note: The memory that you have that differs from your mother's...are memories ever factual? Aren't all memories a matter of perception dependent on the observer?
For the record...the "present" is the only time that exists...it is in no form or fashion "non-existent"...past and future are simply present moments logged into memory or fantasy...those all exist, as they were once "present" and wouldn't exist otherwise...the future, therefore only exists as it becomes present...blah blah blah...yadi yadi yada...
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